


silver threads and golden needles

by Mai_Blade



Series: Tug of War [3]
Category: The Wandering Inn - pirateaba
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble Collection, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Non-Chronological, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overlord (Maruyama Kugane) elements, Platonic Relationships, Reader-Insert, Reincarnation, Sister-Sister Relationship, Slice of Life, also Ainz and Nazarick is going to show up and murder whatever canon you don't, because just existing causes butterflies, because there was little canon on the Grasstongue family, before I wrote one is silver (the other gold), will probably add the Overlord fandom tag/crossover later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 15,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mai_Blade/pseuds/Mai_Blade
Summary: You didn't choose to start a second life in a new world with your memories intact while leaving your twin brother behind, but that's what happened.This is your life.[In Non-Chronological Order]
Relationships: Embria Grasstongue & Reader | Ashe Grasstongue, Relc Grasstongue & Reader | Ashe Grasstongue
Series: Tug of War [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590442
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	1. the wonders we seek

_Suzuki._

Your brother’s name is seared into your mind, pulsating with a soul-tearing sense of loss. The only family you had had by your side for over thirty years _isn’t here_. You had died out there somewhere in this new world and had been cursed to be reborn in that same world with your memories intact. The fact that you have a new twin does nothing to ease the pain of your brother’s absence.

If anything, you resent them for taking the place of your other half, your _real_ other half. They can’t replace Suzuki, not now or ever.

Why did this happen? _How_ could it have happened? Your current situation was the realm of fiction, of cell-phone novels and web serials. Something like this should have been impossible, and yet here you were, a child of lizard men, a reincarnated soul from another world.

You hadn’t been able to accept it, not at first. You hadn’t wanted to, not after you had realized that you had died, that you had lost Suzuki to whatever terrible magic, monster or god was responsible for this hell ( _separated by worlds, sundered from each other, knowing that he was **left alone** —_). What was life worth without your brother?

And yet, despite your best efforts to leave your heart cold and distant, to starve this new body to death with the faint hope of finding Suzuki in the next life… this body’s father had wept tears that reached you, and not just because they had fallen upon your form.

Of the two lizard people who you guessed were the parents of yourself and your twin, it was the bulkier one who put forth the most effort. In the depths of your grief, you hadn’t paid attention to their words (only that it sounded as though they were speaking English for some inexplicable reason), but it was their voices that made you label one as mother and the other as father. The father’s voice was deeper, and the mother’s voice was smoother. Mostly, though, ‘father’ was built like male body builders you had only ever seen in pictures, and that coupled with his voice made you think ‘male’ instead of ‘female’. He was the one who spent the most time with you, visibly worried as you slowly wasted away.

They could put something against your mouth, but they couldn’t make you suckle or swallow. Mother gave up rather quickly, and you hadn’t thought that the father would continue his efforts for much longer, but he had. In fact, ever since it became clear to them that you wouldn’t eat, he seemed to be spending almost every spare moment he could with you.

You don’t think you’re a good judge of gender or age with these lizard people, but father seemed kind of… _young._ At least, mother seemed more mature of the two. You think his name is ‘Relc’, but you’re not completely sure, not even now that you’ve started drinking the milk being provided for you.

Yes, even though you miss Suzuki and want nothing more than to see him again, you have reconsidered your decision to die. It was unfair to kill your new father’s child just because you were miserable. He likely hadn’t done anything specific to be cursed with you, an anomaly that probably took the place of his real second child and replaced them. Your selfish choice to die had moved him to tears, to grief of his own and you… you simply couldn’t follow through with it any longer.

_“Sis.”_

The echo of Suzuki’s voice makes you close your eyes in pain.

Your poor brother, friendless outside of _Yggdrasil_ , has been left behind by even you, his own twin sister. It hadn’t been a choice, but that didn’t change the reality that even you had left his life. Would he make a statue for your avatar, or would he leave that pedestal empty in hopes that you would come back to him?

It hurts to think of him left behind on his own, but you suspect that you can’t go back to him ever again. Wherever you are now, whatever your species is, this is your life now. All you know so far is this tent, your twin, your parents, and the unidentified noise that comes from beyond the tent walls. You don’t have much to judge on, but it could be considered an improvement over your last life of constant struggle and hunger. Here, aside from your period of self-imposed starvation, you do not want for sustenance, nor do you lack for family members. However, without Suzuki, this world _lacks_.

It’s going to be an uphill battle, finding reasons to wake up each day, but maybe it will be easier once you have more mobility and actually see what’s beyond this tent. For now the only reason you’re still here is because of—

“I’m back! For a teeny-tiny break, anyway.”

Speak of the devil.

Most of the words slip over your head, incomprehensible, but that voice belongs to father. Sensing his presence, you open your eyes and see him standing over your ‘crib’, the box that serves as the place where you and your twin sleep. A grin splits his face and you wonder if your guess would be correct in that his expression is one of relief.

Well, considering that you nearly starved yourself to death as your first conscious act in a new life, you suppose that his worry isn’t completely unwarranted.

“Hey, Ashe.”

You are relatively certain that ‘Ash’ is your new name. Forcing yourself to react, you wave your arms in response and get a widening grin as a reward. He offers you a finger tipped with a sharp claw, and you clutch it. His scales are cool to the touch, and his features seem to soften.

You didn’t want this new life, but for this person, for his sake, you will try to live.

( _she grasps his claw and Relc swears he can feel her grabbing his heart_

 _his youngest daughter who nearly slipped away, his Ashe—every day she lives is a day he’s grateful for_ )

* * *

**We carry within us the wonders we seek around us.**

**~Sir Thomas Browne**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself last year that this year I would write something everyday. I completely forgot about that until yesterday evening and now I'm two days behind. lol
> 
> This probably qualifies as a series now, wouldn't you agree? I mean, there's the start, one is silver (the other, gold), then Relc's time travel, and now this. This is going to be slice of life stuff compliant to one is silver (the other, gold). There are going to be 366 chapters (it's a leap year), but not all chapters will be posted on schedule. I mean, just look at my start, two days late. ^-^;
> 
> As for the title, anyone familiar with Dolly Parton will likely recognize where I got my inspiration from. She has a song called Silver Threads and Golden Needles (at least, I think that's the title). It's been a while since I heard it, and I picked it mainly because it has the words silver and gold in it.
> 
> Anyway, happy new year. My resolution is to finish at least three of my current WIPs this year. Also to put behind me any unpleasantness from last year and to start off on a new slate with my readers. :)


	2. watch with glittering eyes

The first time he takes his hatchlings outside the tent and their eyes adjust to the new light, Ashe’s eyes widen at the sight of the sky, all blue and filled with huge white clouds. Embria looks around with interest at all the movement in the camp, but her sister keeps looking up.

If it were at any other age, Relc would swear that that was surprise and wonder on her face. Still, she’s just a hatchling, so it’s probably just the same interest shown by Embria at the sights of the camp, only directed upwards over his head.

Besides, she starts looking around like her sister is, so Relc doesn’t think much of it except to chuckle.

* * *

The first time he sets his daughters down on the ground isn’t actually on the ground itself. He’s hauled their crib out of Veryl’s tent so it can be taken down and packed up, ready to move to another location, but he’s barely had time to stand and turn away before Embria is making a break for it.

“Hey, hey.” 

He protests, carefully pushing Embria back into her box-crib with her twin, but his eldest protests in loud squeaks. He doesn’t know what to do with her when she clearly did not intend to stay in the box where she’ll be safe from being under foot or, Ancestors forbid, under wagon wheels. Even Ashe is peering over the edge of the box in interest and he suspects that if Embria makes a break for it then Ashe will too.

“Hurry up, Relc!”

He half-turned to yell back at Veryl. “They’re trying to escape!”

Her response was to yell something at one of the older kids who came to watch the twins for him. Reassured that the little females were being supervised, he left to help pack up and ended up being shuffled around to help lift heavy things. By the time he managed to get back to the kids, the front of the army had already started moving.

He met Veryl as she was heading towards where the kids, not just theirs, were gathered. Parents or guardians were already picking up their kids, and Relc spotted the twins near the edge of the sparse cluster of kids ranging from the twins’ age to the early teens. The older kids were watching the younger ones, and Veryl thanked the kid she’d assigned to their girls.

Embria saw them and squeaked happily, crawling quickly towards Veryl. Ashe was left behind as the grey hatchling kept staring at the grass where she was running her hands over the grass. Seeing that Embria was in the claws of her mother, Relc stepped forward to get Ashe. He called her name, and she turned her head to look up at him.

Her eyes were shining.

“( _Grass!_ )”

She chirped some nonsense noise as he crouched near her. She patted both of her arms and ruffled the grass, chirping the same noise again. He gestured with a claw.

“Grass.”

“Grass!”

He blinked, surprised.

“Eh?”

“Grass?”

His jaw dropped open. She cocked her head and ripped up a few green blades, holding it up to him. 

“Grass?”

Veryl piped up from behind him. “Her first word is _grass?_ Guess I was right to give them your family name instead of mine.”

Relc broke out of his surprised stupor to laugh and scoop Ashe up from the ground. He lightly tossed her into the air and caught her as she shrieked.

“Ashe, you really are my kid!”

He laughed as he turned and started walking with Veryl, marching with the rest of the army. Embria pointed at Ashe while staring at Veryl and the pink-scaled female sighed before obliging her eldest daughter, tossing her up and catching her too. 

Only once, though, and Relc kept things fair and didn’t toss Ashe up again either.

However, he rather happily confirmed to his youngest that yes, the green blades in her hand really were grass.

* * *

It’s not the last time that Ashe looks at the commonplace as though it is extraordinary. She is excited at the sight of rivers and rain, awed by fresh snow and the sight of it falling from the sky. She smiles at the sight of rainbows and likes staring at clouds. When she’s a little older, she asks to see sunsets and dawns, and sometimes she looks so enchanted that Relc can’t help pausing to try to figure out what she finds so fascinating. He doesn’t get it, though, and his inability to share the moment with Ashe seems to hurt her feelings.

Eventually Veryl has to spell it out for him: Ashe looks at the world with wonder. Everything Embria and even they themselves take for granted—the world around them, basically—Ashe views with something that is almost reverence. From the time she’s been a tiny hatchling to present day when she and Embria are still just kids, Ashe looks at things as though…

“…As though it’s still all new to her,” Veryl finally says, glancing over at the cot where the two kids are sleeping. She frowned slightly. “At least, that’s as close as I can get to explaining it.”

Relc scratched the back of his neck. “I think I get it.”

He’s not sure he actually does, but there’s a sense that he wouldn’t be able to explain it either, and Veryl’s explanation is good enough. Ashe just wants to _share_ moments with him, right? Like, she’s amazed by rainbows and the colors of dawn and dusk, and she doesn’t really have anyone to share it with, not with the way she keeps her distance from her own mother and sister.

It’s still a mystery as to why she treats them like something she has to hold at a distance, but maybe it’s a lingering impression from back from her first few days of life? Veryl didn’t try to reach her, and her sister practically smothered her (completely by accident, of course, but a new hatchling probably couldn’t tell that). Anyway, Relc is her… he hesitates to say ‘favorite’ because she’s distant from even him, but yeah, he’s her favorite, at least based on how she treats pretty much everyone else.

Getting kicked out of her tent so she can sleep, Relc walked back to his squadron’s area as he dwelled on his youngest. Thinking of her face, he looked up and saw that the night sky was clear and bright with moonlight from the two moons hanging in the sky. Stars glittered overhead and he realized that hey, this is something that Ashe would probably enjoy seeing when she was old enough to keep her eyes open longer. He could already picture her eyes shining as she smiled at the sight of countless glittering points of light, and…

He slowed to a halt, still looking up. It’s funny. The stars come out every night, but this feels like the first time he’s really _looked_ at them in ages. The inky black sky feels huge, and not all the stars are shining in the same way. Some are blinking with multiple colors, and some are brighter. Oh! There goes a shooting star!

Ashe’s face came to mind again and Relc realized there was a grin on his face. It slipped away as he slowly inhaled a breath of the cool night air.

Was this... was this the feeling she’d been trying to share with him all this time?

“Ah, Ashe. Your dad’s an idiot…”

Lowering his gaze, Relc resumed heading back to his waiting cot. Silently, he promised to try to not being so unmoved by the things she wanted him to look at. Next time, he’d make himself stop and really _look_. Maybe it wouldn’t be anything amazing to him, but if Ashe was excited about it, what could it hurt to take a moment to hum appreciatively?

Feeling better about his plan, he didn’t have any trouble falling asleep.

Later the next day, he spots some flowers that the army is marching over, trampling, really, and he picks up a couple, mostly for Ashe, but also for Embria so that she doesn’t feel left out. They’re both at the age when they’ll eat just about anything given to them, so it doesn’t really surprise Relc when Embria stuffs it into her mouth and then promptly spits it out with a betrayed squawk, but the look on Ashe’s face is worth the swat to the head that Veryl gives him.

Ashe holds on to that flower all day and timidly smiles at him whenever she catches his glance. Part of him feels sheepish for some reason, but mostly he’s glad that she’s so pleased with it.

After that, he makes a point of giving them flowers, even if Embria never really appreciates them the same way Ashe does.

( _at some point he stops and doesn’t think of it again, much in the way that he one day stopped picking up Embria_ )

* * *

**And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.**

**~Roald Dahl**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three days behind schedule, but still two updates within seven days. I count that as progress. :]


	3. three things

At first, you don’t want to live, but you decide to try, if only to stop him from having to weep. You drink whatever is given to you, even if it is not from him. In time, you recover and your twin is allowed to sleep with you again. You don’t fuss and cry if you can help it, and when you can’t, you try to be fair in how much you cry between your new mother and father. This new body is alien, but you’ll take care of it from now on.

It still takes your new father a long time to stop looking at you with worry, and even when you’re older, you can still spot it in his eyes. You’re not Ashe, not really, not with over thirty years’ worth of memories of being a female human, but for his sake you pretend to be a normal Drake child.

This is your kindness to Relc, the young male who was a father too soon.

* * *

You remember that she didn’t try very hard, that your new mother hadn’t seemed overly concerned that one of her babies was dying in front of her eyes. You can’t forgive her for that, no matter what her reason. It’s not that you care that she didn’t care about you, it’s that she hadn’t cared about her blood child dying in front of her eyes. You remember that she was cold, and you never even consider trying to warm up to her.

Your kindness to Veryl is that you don’t cry and scream to get away from her, but thinking about it, it’s probably more another kindness to Relc than to Veryl herself.

* * *

Embria is your elder twin sister, born first and apparently not a soul with memories like you. She never seems despondent about anything, and she is a lively, normal ‘hatchling’. She has no qualms about forcing herself upon you, not that there’s much room to escape in your box-crib, or even later when you two are allowed to wander around the tent. Her only sin is that she isn’t Suzuki, something she can’t control, but also something you can’t forgive her for.

Suzuki is your elder twin, your brother, and Embria will never be allowed to compare. You close your heart to her as best you can, keeping her out more by sheer force of will than anything, though it does get easier with age and she starts speaking and expressing her loud opinions.

The kindness you give to her is that you never tell her that she can’t compare to your _real_ twin. You never speak of Suzuki or how you consider her an unwanted intruder at your side, a fake who will never be able to replace what ( _who_ ) was lost. You hold your silence and you follow her lead, permitting her presence in body but never in heart.

( _It isn’t until much later that you realize, oh, that wasn’t a kindness, not truly._ )

* * *

Veryl and Relc are not married and they never outright say it, no one does, but there is the impression that they, Embria and Ashe are a family. There is a mother, a father, and a pair of twins—Drakes who seemingly care for each other, love each other, even.

You remember your name from a life past, and you feel like the worst sort of fraud hiding among them, but you never push against the idea. The mystery of why you are here in this body will stay a mystery, and you will pretend to be Ashe Grasstongue for as long as necessary.

For a whole life, if need be.

As long as you don’t make Relc cry again, you will consider this unwanted second life a success.

* * *

**Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.**

**~Henry James**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two updates behind schedule now.


	4. no man is an island

It is impossible to get away from Embria. Your elder twin sticks to you like glue.

Then again, your current boundaries when unescorted by an adult or bigger child is pretty much limited to mother’s tent, so it’s not as though you have anywhere to run. You don’t want to risk getting trampled by leaving the tent, nor does getting run over by a wagon wheel sound appealing. Embria sometimes tries leaving, but she never quite does because you won’t follow her, nor will you let her drag you outside.

Until you are both older, all the company you have when mother and father are gone is each other. Which is unfortunate for you since your sister is hyperactive and is not above physically demanding that you pay attention to her. Discordant squawks are not uncommon between you two, although in the end you usually end up entertaining her one way or another.

Between her and Relc it is simply impossible for you to become completely withdrawn. Embria keeps you in the present moment via her rambunctiousness, and Relc is a constant reminder that hey, you decided to live here, remember?

Getting older is no escape from them, especially when Embria starts learning words.

“Come on,” she’ll insist, clutching your arm while trying to drag you outside.

“Hurry up,” she’ll call back at you, following mother somewhere.

“Me too,” she’ll pout when Relc picks you up to carry or toss you.

“Wrestle!” She’ll shout without warning before pouncing on your protesting form.

( _“Here,” she’ll offer, holding out food or a toy to you, waving it in your face until you take it._

_“Don’t be scared,” she’ll reassure you when you hide from a thunderstorm._

_“I’ll_ bite _you,” she’ll hiss upwards, standing between you and a stranger in the tent._

 _“Sis,” she’ll shout, in happiness, in annoyance, in anger, in surprise…_ )

Every time you feel that your heart might soften towards her, you recall Suzuki and remind yourself that she can’t take his place. Your brother is irreplaceable, just like Mom. Embria and Veryl can’t compete for those spots in your heart.

But you have no such defense against Relc, not when you can barely remember dad at all. Plus, there are other people, other kids in the army whom you hold no such grudge against. You don’t make many friends, and in fact, you’d be hard pressed to identify anyone as a real friend, but there are many faces that you become familiar with. It is from them and Relc that you get most of your social needs fulfilled for your mental health.

( _a **lie** — **Embria** is the one who keeps you sane and healthy because Relc is usually away in battle_

 _but you’d rather die than admit it to anyone, even yourself_ )

* * *

**No man is an island, entire of itself.**

**~John Donne**


	5. what i yam

Relc makes no apologies for who he is. If he wants to say something then he’ll say it, even if it means risking digging latrines in punishment. So what if he eats a little messily, because who has time to worry about a few crumbs? Maybe he snores loudly, but he’s not the only guilty of that, thanks! He could die tomorrow, so he’s not going to hold back in anything today.

So why is it that when Ashe wrinkles her face at him while he’s eating that he slows down to keep more food in his mouth? Why does the sight of her cringing make him lower his voice even when he’s angry and wants to rant at Veryl?

Granted, he never remembers to eat more tidily or to keep his voice lowered once she’s out of sight, but still. He never cared before, so why does he care now? His own mother couldn’t make him eat more carefully, so why does Ashe have that power? It’s weird, but trying to ignore her just makes guilt build up in his gut until he breaks under pressure, which is disgustingly easy when it comes to his youngest.

Still, the older she gets, the less she looks at him judgementally, and she doesn’t cringe away as often or as visibly when his voice gets louder.

Except when he’s mad about something—that’s usually when he breaks off his shouting to reassure her that he’s not mad at _her_.

Veryl calls him whipped, but the hell he is!

( _he is, and that becomes clearer when later it’s just her in his life_ )

* * *

**I yam what I yam.**

**~Popeye the Sailor (Elzie Crisler Segar)**


	6. all you need

Relc is exhausted when he trudges into Veryl’s tent, but he’d crossed paths with her as she headed out onto the battlefield, her unit replacing his squadron and a few others. She’d told him to check on the girls and to sleep in the tent with him, so here he was, still damp from the water he’d spilled over himself to wash off the blood. Veryl would skin his scales if he got her cot stained with enemy blood.

Yawning loudly, he heard some rustling and peeked over to see Ashe had rolled over where she was sleeping next to her twin. The kids were just over two years old now, and still small enough to share the same cot.

“Hey kid,” he said hoarsely, propping his spear against the simple desk Veryl had in her tent. He went over to her and saw that Embria was still sleeping. Reaching down, he tucked in the blanket around them both and quietly murmured, “You should go back to sleep.”

Ashe closes her eyes and seems to do just that, but later that night Relc wakes up to thunder. It takes him a moment to place it as a weather phenomenon and not a warning that the battle has come this far into the army’s camp, but before he can go back to sleep he remembers: Ashe is afraid of thunder storms.

Weary and knowing that he has to report to duty in the morning, Relc stares up at the ceiling as he debates getting up to check on the kids. Concern wins out ( _a blank, thousand-yard stare_ ), and he gets up to check.

Embria sleeps on, oblivious, but Ashe’s form is trembling. She’d hidden under the blanket, but in the flashes of light from the storm, Relc can tell that she’s curled up. Blinking tiredly, he reached out to touch her and frowned when she jerked at the contact, startled by the unexpectedness.

“Come on, kid…”

He manages to lift her out from under the covers without waking her sister. Cradling her in one arm, he made sure Embria was covered before turning and heading back to Veryl’s cot. Yawning, he settled back down and nestled Ashe up next to him. He felt her small claws scratch against his scales as thunder boomed overhead, but his [Thick Skin] could protect him from worse than a kid’s claws.

“I gotcha,” he murmured, eyes already drooping as he put a hand on her. He absentmindedly patted her. “You don’t need to be scared of a little storm…”

( _you could tell that he fell asleep before you, and intellectually you knew that there probably wasn’t actually much he could do if lightening struck this tent, but somehow being near him felt more reassuring than being next to your sister_

 _you don’t think you stopped shivering before falling asleep, but you had to admit that curling up next to your new father did help you feel a little safer_ )

* * *

**All you need is love.**

**~John Lennon and Paul McCartney**


	7. the two most important days

You aren’t sure when you attained consciousness in your new life, but you know it was shortly after you were born. Being trapped in a baby’s body was _hell_. At first with your poor vision, you only knew it was an infant’s body because of how easily you were carried and how someone tried to feed you (something pressed against your lips and an instinctive action that you cut the action _right off_ with a mental cry of horror). Despite your bone-deep terror at your new situation, you couldn’t remain awake.

The first time you fell asleep, a voice had come to you, informing you of your new class **Reincarnate**. Being a player of Yggdrasil, the announcement had come as a shock as you _knew_ that you already had all 100 levels allocated. The stomach-dropping surprise did nothing to ease your discomfiting situation, and after a crying session you sank into a deep depression.

Relc, your new father, pulled you out of it, and from that day on you made the decision to live as his child. Living without Suzuki was hard, but you made it through each day with help from Relc, even though he was unaware of it. Your new sister had a hand—a claw—in it as well as she was proactive and tended to drag you along behind her or push you into action herself. You never did connect with your new mother, and in the end you left the army with Relc when he retired to return to his hometown of Liscor.

His hometown probably qualified as a city, but you had a hard time calling anywhere without concrete and skyscrapers a city, though you did adjust in time. He found an apartment and got a few temporary jobs before he was voted into the City Watch, and you got a job yourself as a Runner. It wouldn’t be long before you left with Hawk on the journey to become a Courier, and Relc eventually became a Senior Guardsman.

Life went on, and at some point, without you noticing, Relc became _home_. In your previous life, after the death of your mom, your brother had held that position in your heart. Wherever Suzuki was, that was your home—and now, in a new world, that person and place which were one and the same was your dad.

At one point, you wept over your brother when you realized that months even years had passed since you thought of him. Strangely, you had grieved that your grief had passed, that you had _moved on_. It felt like a sin and a betrayal, but Relc, not knowing exactly who you were crying over, said that ‘he’ wouldn’t want you to be sad forever.

And if he did, then he wasn’t worth it.

You agreed and quietly laid your brother’s memory to rest.

Life went on.

Later, when you were in mortal danger and frozen in place, it was Relc’s memory that made you move again, that made you learn how to jump off _air_ in order to survive to see him again. You were a Courier by then, and you went home to see him after that nearly fatal delivery. You both got into a bar fight when someone implied they almost thought your relationship was incestuous ( _why is it that when you love your family member that at some point it comes back to those kinds of rumors?_ ). Neither of you would let someone get away with saying anything that blasphemous about you two.

You were father and daughter, dearly beloved by each other.

( _he loves Embria too, but it’s just not as easy as loving you_

_and as for yourself, your twin sister cannot replace your brother so you have always held her at a distance_ )

Running deliveries and saving money for Relc’s old age, going home for visits to see him… You thought that things would continue that way until you retired and settled down in Liscor to start a family of your own. Your old world was no place for children and you had vowed to never have any, but here in a world with a blue sky, clean water and food, you could resurrect your dream of having children of your own. Whether married or not, you would have a kid or two, and your dad would become a granddad. Life would be happy and fulfilled.

But suddenly, that plan was destroyed and the future was left dark with uncertainty.

You had just returned to the Walled City of Oteslia from a delivery and found the city abuzz with gossip. Heading to the Runner’s Guild, you reported the completion of your delivery and listened to two of your acquaintances give you the rundown on what everyone was talking about.

“Ashe, you and Hawk are from Liscor, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know someone named Selys Shivertail?”

“Can’t say I do.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

You eyed the sly smile being given to you and clarified, “Can’t. I really don’t know the female.”

Her shoulder slumped. “Damn. I owe Jaik two silver, then.”

You rolled your eyes. “Just because Liscor’s a border town doesn’t mean we all know each other.”

“Your payment.” The receptionist set down some coins and you swept them into your bag of holding. Taking advantage of the fact that most people were speculating rather than lining up as usual, she leaned over to contribute to the conversation. “Here’s the good part: Selys Shivertail has the _Heartflame Breastplate._ ” 

You stared blankly at her. “That’s… impressive?”

They both reeled back slightly.

“Why do you say that like it’s a question?”

“You don’t know about the Heartflame Breastplate?!”

They then proceeded to give you a jumbled history lesson that you took with a grain of salt. There were probably facts in their disjointed attempts to be the first to tell you all about it, but you wouldn’t take it as truth until you either got it from a more reliable source or from someone back home.

“Oh, there was something else, too. Not about the Heartflame Breastplate, but do you remember that new dungeon that was discovered in the Bloodfields?”

You frowned, remembering. “Yeah.”

One patted you on the shoulder.

“Anyway, that new dungeon’s been eating all the teams that have gone inside, but there’s one that came out.” She leaned over her counter. “But get this: the dungeon master _let them out._ ”

One of your eye ridges raised. “Dungeon master?”

She held up her hands. “I don’t make the rules.”

The other one—you really should remember their names; this is just rudeness on your part by now—chipped in. “The team is a Silver-ranked one from Pallass called the Mist Scales. The report says that the dungeon is _Gold_ -rank and chockfull of undead.”

All three of you scowled at that. You’d all been young when the Necromancer was devouring the land, and you hadn’t been in Liscor unlike Relc when the city was sieged, but you all shared a distaste for the undead. Even though your brother’s Yggdrasil character had been an undead, there was a vast difference between a game and real life.

“So, why were the Mist Scales let go?”

The receptionist snapped her claws. “Right. Well, get this: the dungeon master was unhappy with the name given to its dungeon, so in return for their lives the Mist Scales were charged with spreading the names of both the dungeon and its master.”

The other one jumped in. “The dungeon master is a skeleton mage by the name of Ainz Ooal Gown.”

“And the dungeon is the ‘Great’ Underground Tomb of Nazarick.”

Static filled your ears as the world slowly whited out.

You know those names.

Your knees gave out from under you as tears brimmed in your eyes.

_You know those names._

[Perfect Recall] kicked in, showcasing a steam of memories as seen through your head console in a life long since past. You saw Nazarick in a flash of images from the entrance down to the throne on the tenth floor. Sitting on the Throne of Kings, you saw a familiar skeleton cloaked in black, red and gold.

Momonga.

Suzuki.

_Your brother._

Curled up on the floor and lost in memory, you couldn’t hear the concerned noise from your acquaintances, nor did you realize that you were garnering attention. All you could feel was cold horror clawing at your insides as you remembered the might of the dungeon you once called your guild.

Why, why was _that place_ **here?**

The past is supposed to stay dead!

* * *

**The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.**

**~Mark Twain**


	8. waiting to be known

It was the night before you were to leave Liscor with Hawk. Dinner was finished and Relc had finally—reluctantly—said goodnight, mumbling that you needed your rest. After washing the dishes, you retired to your bedroom which was currently lit by an oil lamp.

To be honest, you were nervous. You’ve never really travelled without either an army around you or Relc by your side. You know very well that there are _dangers_ out there in the form of monsters, thunder storms and, and who knows what else! There was no guarantee that Hawk would help you out if something were to happen, and yet…

This was a _new world._ You had seen so little of it, and if you didn’t grab this chance then you had a feeling that you might not actually get to see much beyond Liscor. This city has your father’s love as his home, but you don’t share the same sentiment. This world is just so different from your last one that it seems like a shame if you don’t explore it a bit more.

Thus, no matter your doubts, you’re going to follow through with your decision to follow Hawk in leaving. You’re going to see at least one Walled City, and if things go well enough in Pallass then you’ll move on to the others. Who knows what you’ll see out there?

Tomorrow is too soon, but at the same time, tomorrow is when it all begins.

Your sleep that night is fitful, but you wake early the next day for one final meal with Relc and then you are out the door to meet up with Hawk. There’s a moment when Relc meets you at the gate for another goodbye, and the hug he gives you is unexpected but not unwelcome ( _that and his words are the last things you need to identify him as_ home, _though you don’t realize that until later_ ). When Liscor and Relc are finally out of sight you turn forward and there it is.

The world, waiting to be seen!

* * *

**Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.**

**~Carl Sagan**


	9. look back upon one's life

Relc wanted to grow old.

It wasn’t a grand ambition, and that same desire put a rift between himself and his eldest daughter Embria. Perhaps it was a strange thing to want, but he’d seen too many people die on battlefields and had lost good buddies that way. It was tough being in the army, getting up early, having bland food and fighting other peoples’ battles. The idea of growing old was something that had settled over him gradually until one day he realized that every single buddy who had died would never get that chance.

He didn’t want that to happen to him. He doesn’t want the only thing in his life to be the army, to be an endless parade of battles until his luck finally runs out.

So he retired.

Veryl stayed, and Embria with her, but the army wasn’t for Ashe either, so he took her with him. He brought her home to Liscor… and she left in hopes of becoming a Courier.

He thinks he could have held her back, could have convinced her to stay; but he doesn’t want to chain her in Liscor anymore than he wanted to be chained in the army. She had something she wanted, just the same as he did, and the last thing on his mind was standing in her way. He watched her leave and had no idea if she would come back alive, but he let her go.

Whether she had a long life or a short one, as long as she was happy with it, then wasn’t that the main thing? The same for Embria too, even if he doesn’t understand why she wants the army to be the main thing in her life.

It’s impossible to articulate this to his eldest who gets angry at him, and it never comes up with his youngest who is only ever happy to see him each time she comes home. Relc knows he’s bad with words, and helpless in front of his daughters except where he stands his ground—he’s _not_ going back to the army—but he does try to get along with them. It’s hardest with Embria, and even Ashe can get on his nerves, but he tries his best.

As for himself, if he got to be old then he would be glad. There’s no telling if his daughters would live long enough to see him grow old, but even if he had to bury them both, he will have found his own peace.

( _but deep down, he knows he hopes that they’ll both still be alive by then_ )

* * *

**To be able to look back upon one's life in satisfaction, is to live twice.**

**~Kahil Gibran**


	10. take to the oars

Relc hasn’t mentioned Couriers since the one time he did, but you haven’t forgotten. You’ve gotten more information from your fellow Runners, and you know that a Courier is above a Runner, and that Couriers travel far and get paid well. Of course, there is danger proportional to that, but even with the danger, it doesn’t dim your desire to become one.

You know that Relc wants to grow old. He retired from the army so that he wouldn’t die on the battlefield like so many others he knew. In your Before, your mom didn’t get to grow old. She died not young, but not old either. You doubt that either you or Suzuki would have made it that far yourselves, so you don’t disparage Relc for his dream.

However, part of you insists that gold will be needed for when that time comes. Whether Relc hadn’t saved up enough, or if there were unexpected expenses, he might not have enough gold to live comfortably when he did get to be old. The thought of your dad suffering cold or hunger in his old age… it churned your stomach. Thus, the fact that Couriers could earn a lot was a big part of the attraction the class held for you. If you could become a Courier, then not only would you see more of this world, you could also save up for the future.

You had plans. You were going to become a Courier, save gold, and then retire to Liscor to take up a different job. You would get married, maybe, and have a kid of your own, definitely. Relc would be a grandfather, and you would have a family of your own. You would be careful with your gold, and if all went well then you would be able to take care of Relc too, if he ever needed it.

Whether or not you died in pursuit of your chosen career, if you followed the path you had set out for yourself, then you couldn’t imagine regretting it. You knew what your happiness looked like, what you hoped for in the future in this second life, and you were going to grab it with your own two claws.

Dad had shown you that, and you were going to follow his example.

“What’s got you grinning?”

Remembering that you weren’t alone, you looked over at Relc from across the table. He was eating food you’d cooked, in this apartment he shared with you, his kid, and even if it was just the two of you, you were a _family._

The grin on your face became a smile.

“I’m just happy to be here. I’m glad you retired, dad.”

He shrugged and mumbled into a cup. “Ain’t nothing grand about it.”

Maybe not, but you were happy.

You just had to keep on doing what you needed to do in order to hold on to that happiness. You wouldn’t make the mistake of blindly surviving with small pleasures like you did in your last life.

This time, you were going to live a life you could look back on with no regrets.

* * *

**If the wind will not serve, take to the oars.**

**~Latin proverb**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stuck in a meeting all day on the 10th as a minute taker and lost all motivation to do anything. Now I'm three days behind, but I'll catch up soon. There's no way I'm letting ten days or more pile up on this thing, otherwise I might as well throw it on the WIP pile. :/


	11. footprints on the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Use of the 'F' word in this chapter. Just once, though.

There was more than one way to become recognized as a Courier and one of the easier, if not easiest, way was to take an exam. You aren’t sure if Humans or other species do it this way, but Drakes could take an exam that was delivered by the Runner’s Guilds in the Walled Cities. You aren’t sure if Gnolls and other species could take the exam, but you didn’t have to find out since you were a Drake yourself. Since you were in Fissival, the local Runner’s Guild was where you went.

The Courier exam entailed delivering three seals to three different Runner’s Guilds in three other Walled Cities. The distance between each was long and filled with dangers. Honestly speaking, three seemed like overkill when two could prove a Courier’s skill, but you supposed the three proved that delivering the first two seals wasn’t just a fluke. Plus, having three drop off points allowed for more time to investigate whether or not someone was illegally assisting the exam taker.

Not that anyone would be helping you to cheat. The Grasstongue clan wasn’t powerful, at least to your knowledge. Then again, the only Grasstongues you’ve ever met are Relc and Embria. Relc’s parents were killed by Goblins, you remember that much from the one time he spoke about it, but you don’t actually know if he was an only child or even if it was his mother or his father who was the Grasstongue. Probably his father, but whatever, the knowledge isn’t important to you.

“Focus,” you hissed to yourself, running across an open field. The last thing you wanted was to die to a wyvern simply because you were lost in thought.

Fissival and Zeres were behind you, and you still had two more seal to deliver. Your time limit of twelve days was already down to nine and counting. Rest times would have to be short, and a tiny part of you doubted that you would be able to pass this first attempt at the exam, but you did your best to smother that small part whenever it piped up with its negative thoughts.

Pallass was your next stop, and you can think of Oteslia after that.

* * *

You cursed bitterly under your breath as you hid in a narrow crevice and beneath a small rock cropping; basically, you were hiding in a crack in the ground. It was blind good luck that you even found this hiding spot since most of the land was still flat, but every minute you spent hiding was a minute closer to failure. And yet, you would not risk tangling with a wyvern for anything.

Relc said that he’d brought down his first wyvern at the age of twenty-eight, and you could still recall quite a bit of the details of his story. The only thing you could conclude was that you were _not_ capable of taking down one on your own, much less the two you’d spotted overhead. Thankfully, they were more interested in fighting each other than the easy prey you’d been before you’d looked up and seen them, but you were still trapped here.

Glancing up, you saw the wyverns still battling in the air and gritted your teeth.

_Damn it all._

* * *

You nearly wept when Pallass finally came into view. It was still in the distance, but you could actually _see_ it. Seriously—but not literally— _fuck_ all the monsters and wyverns you’ve had to hide from to get to this point! 

It is a common thought that Couriers have to be strong enough to complete their deliveries, but strength isn’t your forte. And besides, someone can become a Courier despite a lack of strength, as long as they can complete the deliveries. Reliability is the key here, and so far you’ve used speed and hiding skills to get this far. You’ve never once lost a delivery, and you really hope that this isn’t going to be the first time that you—shut up, small voice! You could still make it!

Dull scales flaking off of your body, you showed your temporary Courier exam badge at the gate and were permitted entry into the city. Ignoring the looks of disgust, which you were getting from quite a few citizens, you laboriously made your way up to the floor with the Runner’s Guild. Perhaps you could have taken one of the monstrosities they dared called elevators, but you didn’t want to risk even the smallest chance of being called a cheater. Couriers _ran_ , so that’s what you were going to do.

Staggering into the guild, you went over to a receptionist, ignoring the complaints thrown at you as you did so. Panting hard, you shoved the second seal at the startled female and tried not to stare vacantly as she eventually came to the realization that you were the expected exam taker. You probably should have talked, but you were saving your breath for important things, like breathing.

That eight-hour rest in that one village before Pallass came into sight was something you regretted, but the rest in a safe place had been desperately needed. This run was the hardest you’d ever pushed yourself within a period of time, and it still wasn’t over just yet. Still, maybe it was a positive thing, because now you don’t have to stop and rest in Pallass.

( _you do, but if you follow through then it’s dead certain that you will fail, and you just **can’t**_ )

From Pallass to Oteslia is about four hundred miles, give or take a couple dozen. A fresh Courier could make that in four days or less, maybe a little longer if they were playing it safe.

You have three, and you most definitely aren’t fresh in any sense of the word.

Standing outside with Pallass at your back, you stare in dismay at the horizon before you. This is impossible, isn’t it?

But you clench your claws as you remember your ordeal so far.

Screw it—you were going to try anyway!

* * *

You make it, just barely, and you’re practically dead on your feet when you arrive at the last guild. That you manage to make it is thanks to reaching Level 35 and gaining two Skills, Tireless Stride and Greater Stamina. The last things you do after staggering up to the desk is to hand over the last seal and half-hear the male receptionist congratulate you before your body finally decides that enough is _enough_.

When you wake up almost three days later, the first thing you do is ask for water, then in a hoarse tone and half-serious plea…

“Kill me.”

The female Drake with you laughs and tells you that you’ll be fine. Wylia adds, “Just rest for a day or so and take care of yourself, okay? I heard that your exam had the longest distance in recent years. No one thought you would actually make it.”

A wry grin crosses your face. “I kinda thought I wouldn’t make it either.”

But you did.

You _did_.

* * *

**Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.**

**~Paul Brandt**


	12. improve the world

The news that Nazarick now exists in this world is not something that fills you with joy. Instead, dread and horror plague your mind as you remember the inhabitants of the ten floors you once called your guild. The Floor Guardians were prominent in your mind, Level 100 monsters that you could picture laying waste to Liscor with ease. What could even the Walled Cities do when faced with such monsters, especially if they decided to team up for any reason? Shalltear was undead and had no need to rest. Gargantua was huge and, like Shalltear, had no need for sleep. Cocytus was ice and cold, and after the Antinium Wars, it was likely that some fool would start a fight with him. Aura and Mare, while cute, had no reason to be kind to anyone they met outside of Nazarick. And Demiurge… you shuddered as you recalled Ulbert’s gleeful words that his creation was ‘evil’ incarnate. Victim could keep people from escaping, though maybe they wouldn’t use that skill since it meant their death. Then there was Sebas Tian and the Pleiades on the Ninth Floor, each a powerful opponent. Then there is Albedo in the Throne Room, and maybe Pandora’s Actor in the Treasury, if that particular NPC was ever finished. Damn it, and that’s not even counting the lower-level NPC’s like the Prince of Fear. Nazarick is a meat-grinder, and now it is here where _living people_ willingly enter dungeons to explore and plunder.

You can’t reconcile yourself to this new development and end up lost in your head for days. You aren’t Momocha anymore, so Nazarick is no longer a safe place for you. If you went as you are now, then you’d likely be seen and eliminated as an intruder before you could even speak. And, even if you did get a chance to speak, how could you prove that you had once been one of the Forty-One? You don’t want to put at the mercy of the likes of Shalltear or Demiurge!

Mindless fear keeps you locked in a room far from home, but then it hits you where before you’d been unconsciously _not thinking_ about it: Relc is in Liscor.

_Dad_ is in Liscor!

Liscor which is north of the Bloodfields where Nazarick now resides. Liscor is close to that hellish place filled with monsters and— _he could die to them._ You know that your father is not above retreat, that he doesn’t zealously follow General Sserys’s famous words of “Drakes do not run!”; but you also know that he loves Liscor. He would never abandon its walls if Nazarick were to attack. He would rather die defending his home than run.

This realization is what gets you to your feet and makes them move. You run north towards ( _home_ ) Nazarick, ready to risk your life, ready to beg and plead with even the likes of Demiurge if it means that Liscor ( _dad_ ) will be spared. You barely rest and your scales begin flaking off, but you don’t care about your appearance.

It’s been days since you learned about Nazarick, and you haven’t even stopped to find out if the monsters have descended upon Liscor, and you desperately hope that you aren’t too late. You know that the Bloodfields are deadly, but you are prepared to risk jumping through the air over it to get to Nazarick if you must. The risk to your life is secondary to the hope that you might be able to protect Relc and his home.

You just hope that whoever is in charge is willing to hear you out.

* * *

**How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.**

**~Anne Frank**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I've mentioned, but I've been using a book of quotes as inspiration for this particular story/drabble collection. I got stuck on this one, though, and now I'm way behind. :/
> 
> Still, it's over with at last! Next time I get stuck, I'll probably just replace the quote with a random one.


	13. the dawn will break

_“I’m not hungry.”_

That simple statement from his youngest makes his scales crawl, but Relc tells himself that it’s nothing. Females can be weird about food, so maybe Ashe is just going through a phase or something. When she excuses herself to go home, a voice in his head tells him that something isn’t right, that he should follow her, but he ignores that voice and stays with Klbkch to eat and drink. He talks and laughs, but he is distracted, his daughter’s words echoing in his earholes.

_“I’m not hungry.”_

Since when does his daughter turn down food?

He goes home earlier than usual that night and lingers outside his apartment door. Why is he hesitating like this? What’s got him feeling so uneasy?

After finally entering the apartment, he peeks in on her and sees that she’s sleeping. He breathes a sigh of relief and retreats, silently calling himself an idiot for getting worked up over nothing.

That night is the last time he sleeps easily.

When morning comes, she isn’t awake, so he takes it upon himself to burst into her room.

“Rise and shine, lazy bones!”

He waits, arms raised, but there’s no response from Ashe. Growing concerned as the silence dragged on, Relc cautiously went over to her and poked her shoulder. When she didn’t react he pulled on her shoulder, turning her over. She was awake (but had she even slept?), but her eyes… dead gods, her _eyes_.

Relc staggered backwards, suddenly remembering the first week of her life. She’d had eyes like this back then too—blank eyes that stared right through him without seeing him at all.

“Kid?”

No one is around to hear his voice waver or see that his scales have paled.

“Ashe?” He stepped towards her and grinned crookedly, reaching out. “Hey, kid, it’s time to get up. Come on now.”

He lifted her with ease and put her on her feet.

“Shi-!”

He catches her when her legs crumple. There is no response from her, no indication that she realized she’d been Drake-handled at all. Her head lolled, eyes unseeing, and suddenly Relc felt inexplicably enraged.

“ASHE! STAND!”

He tried again, but she didn’t stay on her feet. Snarling, he shook his daughter by her arms but even that didn’t make her react.

Then, just as suddenly, Relc realized what he was doing and shame burned in his gut as he carefully set her down on her bed. She couldn’t even make herself sit up. The soft whump of her body hitting the bed shouldn’t have curdled his insides, but it did.

He had guard duty that morning, but this was more important. _Ashe_ was more important. He made her drink a bit of water, just as he’d had to do for others in the army on more than one occasion. Dehydration could kill his daughter before a lack of food did, and he made a mental note to keep giving her water. He couldn’t bring himself to leave her like this, so he kept trying to make her snap out of it.

The sun was fully up when a knock came at his apartment door. He wanted to snarl, but the person kept knocking and calling his name.

“Guardsman Relc!”

Stomping over to the door, he wrenched it opened and yelled, “ _What?_ ”

The Drake on the other side just scowled. “Captain Zevara sent me to tell you to report in.”

Relc glanced over his shoulder. “I have something more important to do.”

The other Drake shook his head. “Captain said that you’re the only one willing to work with Klbkch and—“

Relc tuned him out as his mind suddenly focused on Klbkch’s name. Klbkch… this was Klbkch’s fault! That bastard is the one who upset Ashe last night, right? The Ant had been talking and then Ashe zoned out and… Something snapped and he reached behind the door to grab his spear before shoving aside the Drake in front of him.

“Guardsman Relc!”

He ignored the Drake calling after him as he sprinted down the hall and down the stairs, blood thundering in his earholes. Klbkch did something to Ashe… Klbkch did something to Ashe!

Drakes and Gnolls either saw him coming and got out of the way or were knocked aside as he ran down the streets towards the barracks. The fact that there had been two Antinium Wars was a distant thought as he raced towards his target. Right now, Relc didn’t care about anything except for making the world right again ( _making Ashe happy again_ ).

He burst into the barracks with a roar. “KLBKCH!”

Everyone turned to him, but he only noticed the lone Antinium. He leapt forward with his spear and snarled, “What did you do to my daughter?!”

A clang rang out as Klbkch began deflecting the spear thrusts. There was background noise as the area around them cleared quickly.

Klbkch was calm as he spoke. “Please clarify. I am unaware of having done anything in particular in regards towards Miss Ashe.”

“Don’t _lie!_ ”

Klbkch slid backwards as he blocked a fierce thrust. He coolly met Relc’s glare but didn’t say anything.

“You did _something._ You hurt her somehow! What did she ever do to deserve that?”

Klbkch glanced to the side, noting the audience that Relc didn’t care about. He looked back at Relc.

“I do apologize. I still have no understand of how I have harmed Miss Ashe. I assure you, I never laid a hand on her.”

Relc strained to push Klbkch back and was rewarded by the Antinium sliding back a few inches.

“I’d kill you if you did.”

“Clearly,” Klbkch replied, two arms trembling while the other two held daggers.

Relc growled and started attacking with his spear again. Klbkch deflected and dodged.

When they were stalemated again, Klbkch once again blocking the spear with his swords, he spoke.

“I have only ever spoken to Miss Ashe. If my words have hurt or upset her in any way, I apologize. Offense was never my intention in our interactions.”

Relc’s eye twitched. That… was probably true. Surely Ashe would tell him if someone physically hurt her, right? He was her dad—of course he’d beat someone up for her.

“Please cease this attack of yours, Relc. You have no quarrel with me, nor I you.”

“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”

Relc glared at Klbkch half-heartedly, but in the end he sighed and withdrew his spear. Someone relayed the event that just happened and Klbkch confirmed it. When Zevara turned on him in rage, he admitted that maybe he overreacted a bit. She suspended him for a week without pay for fighting Klbkch and kicked him out of the barracks.

Relc left quietly and headed back to the apartment. On the way, the smell of food made him stop. He bought something to eat, both for himself and for Ashe. Food was her favorite thing, the thing she was possessive about, so surely food was the answer here, right? Food would make her snap out of it, surely.

He holds on to that desperate hope and as the days pass he slowly fills his daughter’s room with food in hopes that she would return to normal. He takes care of her as best he can, but he knows that he’s slowly falling apart. Watching his daughter slip away again is a nightmare he can’t escape from. What if she doesn’t snap out of it this time? What if she just keeps going like this until she dies? Why is this happening again? What can he do?

He doesn’t cry. He feels too far gone to shed any.

It all seems hopeless and he’s sitting at the table in the kitchen with his head in his claws when a knock comes at the door. It’s been days since the last time someone knocked on the door, the day he went and fought Klbkch in fact. He debates ignoring it, in no mood to see anyone, but the polite knocking persists.

It seems like a great effort to stand and move over to open the door, but he manages it. To his surprise, it is Klbkch standing there. The Antinium holds up some cheese and says he heard about his attempts to help his daughter, so he has come to help. Relc doubts the Antinium could help, but he’s desperate enough to grasp at straws. He lets in Klbkch and points out where Ashe is, but he can’t bear to watch another failed attempt to bring her back to her senses.

But, against all odds, whatever he did, Klbkch succeeds.

“Miss Ashe is… awake.”

At first Relc doesn’t understand. He just stares at Klbkch from his seat, bewildered.

Klbkch tried again, and gestured behind him towards Ashe’s bedroom door.

“You should go see her.”

For a moment, everything fades away. Then, leaping to his feet, Relc dashed across the apartment and burst into his daughter’s room, yelling her name.

“Ashe!”

Said daughter jolts, squeezing the cheese in her hands. She swallows something, probably cheese, but doesn’t have a chance to say anything before he’s sweeping her up in a hug. She squeaks a little but doesn’t try to escape.

“Dad…”

In that one word he hears hope. Thank the Ancestors. 

Ashe is willing to live again.

* * *

**However long the night…the dawn will break.**

**~African proverb**


	14. who knows himself

Relc has two daughters, a pair of twins who couldn’t be more different from each other if they tried. Embria is a Solider and Ashe is a Runner. Embria is skilled with a spear and Ashe prefers to run from monsters and dodge confrontations. It’s hard to communicate with Embria, and so easy to talk to Ashe, for all that both of his daughters live far from Liscor in pursuit of their goals. Embria doesn’t understand his desire to grow old, and Ashe doesn’t judge him for it. They’re like night and day in personality, but he cares about them both, he does!

It’s just easier with Ashe, that’s all.

Not that Embria’s really given him a chance to interact with her. His eldest left with her mother after that one visit when she was thirteen, and he hasn’t seen her since. He sends her letters on her birthday, but it’s hard to any she sends outside of that.

In contrast, getting along with Ashe is simple. She comes home, he welcomes her, they’re happy. As long as he doesn’t yell in her presence or make her drag him home drunk, Ashe doesn’t really ever get on his case. She’ll tease him, yeah, but that’s no burden to bear.

His daughters are, well, his daughters. Family. Sometimes Drakes don’t get along for whatever reason, and he knows that families can turn sour, but the three of them aren’t there just yet. His daughters don’t get along with each other, haven’t since he and Ashe announced that they were going to leave the army, but it’s not _bad_ bad. Things are strained between himself and Embria, but his daughter hasn’t told him to stay out of her life yet, so there’s some hope there. No matter what, they’re his kids, and Relc knows that he’d fight to protect either of them without a second thought.

Relc knows that there isn’t anything complicated about him. At least, there shouldn’t be. He’s just a Drake living his life. He has fun, and he’s strong enough to retain his job as a Senior Guardsman on that trait alone. He knows what he wants out of life and doesn’t make excuses for who he is. So he also knows this deep down to his bones: he’s their father, and that means he’ll try his best to get along with them.

Even if it’s hard, like it is with Embria and her steadfast devotion to the army and the idea that he should go back.

Even if it’s depressing, like it sometimes is with Ashe when she gets a blank look in her eyes and won’t eat or talk.

Because even if he is a Senior Guardsman of the Liscorian Watch and former [Sergeant] of the Liscorian Army, he is one thing before he is either of those, and that is…

“Dad!”

* * *

**He who knows others is clever, but he who knows himself is enlightened.**

**~Lao Tzu**


	15. wake up

You dream of your brother, of the time before you moved out of what was once your shared apartment, before the malicious rumours of incest forced you to be apart. Suzuki’s face is thin, but then, you’ve never known it to be anything but. Your own face, should you have seen it in your dream, would no doubt also be thin too. Still, there is no worry in your dream about this thinness.

Instead, you simply feel joy that your brother is sitting at the same table you are. You think you say his name, because he looks up at you from where he’d been looking down at his overlapped hands. A small smile crosses his face, and you ignore a twinge of pain at what seems like the realization that Suzuki doesn’t want to _be_ at the table with you.

He glances off towards a door and suddenly you know that he wants to log into Yggdrasil. He _doesn’t want_ to be here with you.

The floor disappears beneath your feet and suddenly you are awake in a semi-dark tent that has become familiar. You don’t have time to adjust as you realize that there are tears in your eyes and your heart is being squeezed.

Was that part dream or pure memory?

Sniffling, you curled up and tried to blink away your tears. The hurt in your chest persisted, though, as you remembered the time before you gave in and joined Yggdrasil in order to be close to your brother again. You couldn’t compete with Yggdrasil, and after finally joining you’d found out why, but that didn’t make Suzuki’s distance prior hurt less.

Since mother had passed, he’d been all you had in the world. You had loved him more than anyone, but you never seemed to be enough for him. Which, granted the condition of your world, was… probably fair. After all, all you’d had to give was yourself, and that hadn’t been much.

It hadn’t been fair. That life was hard, and you hadn’t asked to be born into it. First father died, a stranger you hardly knew, then mom worked herself to death, and all you’d had was Suzuki. Then, you’d lost him to a game before getting part of him back by joining.

Suzuki wasn’t a physical person. He was never comfortable with giving you hugs or letting you hold his hand. He’d endured your hugs with patience, but you’d kept them shorter than you would have liked. Ever since you’d vowed not to have children of your own or become involved with a man who might want one, Suzuki had been you only source of human contact.

He’d been your only family.

You opened your eyes, your heart still tender from the dream. Suzuki had been your only family… but…

Sitting up, you looked around and saw that Veryl was already gone. But, it’s not her you’d been looking for. You’re not even looking for Embria who is sleeping next to you, because for all that Suzuki unintentionally hurt you, he’s still the twin and brother you’d loved for over thirty years.

No, you were looking for your new father, that lively Drake with a smile often on his face. He wasn’t someone you had someone else to compare against, not like Veryl and mom or Embria and Suzuki. You didn’t have to feel too guilty about interacting with him and right now you desperately wanted a hug.

But, he isn’t here, nor are you brave enough to venture outside of the tent, not after peeking out and seeing the army camp outside. Relc could be anywhere, and you don’t want to get lost.

So you wait, and the tent isn’t dark anymore and Embria is up and trying to get you to play with her. She splits the bread that either Veryl or Relc left for you two, and you munch disconsolately. You berate yourself, reminding yourself that you are over thirty years old, at least mentally. You shouldn’t be sulking like this because you’re not a child.

“Hey!”

But telling yourself that you aren’t a child doesn’t stop you from scrambling to your feet and over to your father with your arms raised up. Reminding yourself that you are a grown woman inside doesn’t keep the tears from welling up in your eyes.

Relc obliges by crouching down to look at you, only to have you jump and latch onto to him. “Whoa, what’s this? Embria, you been picking on your sister?”

Embria squawks indignantly. “No! Ashe has been like that since before I got up!”

You feel a large claw pat your small back.

“Had a bad dream, kid?”

Close enough, so you nod, scales rubbing against his.

Your toes leave the ground as Relc picks you up and then you shriek as you are tossed lightly into the air. You feel your head brush against the top of the slanted top of the tent and then Relc is catching you. Surprised and breathless with your heart beating quickly, you dig your claws into his scales to prevent him from tossing you again. 

He laughs, and you scowl against his shoulder as Embria complains that she wants to get tossed up too, but you can’t deny that you don’t feel nearly quite as sad anymore.

( _he’ll be the one you go to now, and somehow you know that you won’t get treated the same way that your brother did to you back then_ )

* * *

**The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.**

**~Paul Valery**


	16. not what others want to see

You watch your elder sister crawl over Relc’s back and wince slightly as she yanked at one of his back spines. Relc yelped a little and pried Embria off him, but he laughed and tossed her up into the air. Embria shrieked happily, but as soon as he stopped, she was once again clawing and crawling all over him. This isn’t the first time you’ve seen her do thus, nor is she the only Drake child you’ve seen doing it, but you haven’t. Not even when Relc gives you an open invitation to do as you please have you ever tried to fight.

You’ve heard him worry to Veryl more than once when they’ve thought you both asleep. Apparently you’re not an average Drake child who likes to play rough. If not for the fact you were apparently going through a hording phase (so they dub the pile of pebbles you’ve collected and refuse to leave behind or let anyone touch), Relc would think that you weren’t a Drake at all, scales or no.

It’s been five years since you and Embria were born, and while you have Embria to emulate in regards to how a Drake child should act, you just can’t bring yourself to play rough, wrestle, or fight. You shadow your sister, yes, but you don’t try to _be_ her. Embria is lively and daring, while you are calmer and more likely to watch than participate.

You don’t smile at Relc and the other soldiers like Embria does, nor do you try picking up a spear in emulation of Relc. He and the other soldiers give her a sawed-off spear to hold, but even then it’s too large for her. You don’t even try, shaking your head when she reluctantly tries handing it to you to try out. She smiles brightly when you refuse, but a glance at Relc shows you him scratching the back of his neck, unsure what to do with a child that doesn’t seem to like fighting in any form.

Most people you’ve noticed you tend to compare you to your lively sister, but you can’t blame them. Embria is just so enthusiastic about the army lifestyle that surrounds her, and it shows in how she looks up to the soldiers. On the other hand, (‘claw’, you remind yourself), you don’t show the same enthusiasm that most of the other children demonstrate for… most things, really.

You can’t help if you prefer not fighting. Even in Yggdrasil you were mostly a support character.

You try to learn sewing, but Embria won’t have you sitting around doing boring stuff when she wants you with her, so you don’t actually get to learn much of anything that requires being away from her. Vaguely, you ponder learning the bow when you are older if you need to pick up a weapon since it allows you to stay a distance from the enemy, but you don’t really put much thought into it. When Relc asks if you want to learn how to wield some kind of weapon, you shrug.

There are lots of days when it’s hard to be alive, but you keep going. Even if Relc looks disappointed, even if you’ve never had children of your own, you know that being disappointed is easier to bear than the death of a child. As long as nothing kills you, there is time for you to change, to become a better daughter to Relc, but somehow you don’t think that the army is your future.

You just hope that there _is_ a future for you outside of the army, but you don’t have the courage to ask about it just yet.

* * *

**Just be who you want to be, not what others want to see.**

**~Unknown**


	17. not all those who wander

At thirteen you leave Liscor and Relc behind to chase your goal of becoming a Courier ( _to see more of this new world_ ).

The Bloodfields are menacing, even from a distance, and Hawk tells you about some of the horrors he’s heard about it. You’ve passed it once before with Relc, and apparently that’s where an annual war takes place between Humans and Drakes.

You go to Pallass and see your first Walled City. You spend almost two years there with Hawk before you move on again. In that time, you become familiar with the city itself, but you do not have the same understanding of it as someone who has lived there their whole lives.

There are fields and forests, lakes and rivers to marvel at after a life of toxic are and grey skies; and there are dangers and monsters and bandits to avoid, the trade-off for the beauty of this new world.

At fifteen you see Oteslia, your second Walled City. This is a city of food, and you know Relc would have loved to visit. You pick up a few tricks and some recipes. You think that if you have to leave Liscor that Oteslia would be the place you’d want to move to.

At sixteen you finally agree to date Hawk but it doesn’t last too long. You part ways in Fissival, your third Walled City. For that and the fact that arrogant magic users practically infest the city, Fissival becomes your least favorite of the six Walled Cities.

Before seventeen you see the last three Walled Cities of Manus, Salazar and Zeres. Manus is a city of war and closest to the Antinium Hives, and Zeres is where ships gather and sail from. And, of all the Walled Cities, it is Salazar that you fall in love with, beating out even Oteslia. You love the Walled City for its towers and gems, and for the fact that it is built into a mountain and continues to grow in size whereas the other Walled Cities never will.

But Salazar is not where your home is.

For all that you have seen, there is only one place would truly put your roots down. It is not a glorious place, and most would even consider it backwater despite its own importance to Drakes. Liscor is home, but not for being a place.

Liscor is home, because that is where Dad is.

In all the time you’ve been gone and in the few times you’ve been back, you have learned that no place can be where you are happy if he is far away from there. The Walled Cities are grand and full of so many people and interesting things, but Liscor is the only place that has Relc.

You have seen the Walled Cities, farms, villages, even Gnoll tribes. You have gotten lost in forests and mountains, climbed hills and trees, and you have drunk water from lakes, rivers and wells. You have run from Goblins, wyverns, and even soldiers. You have gone hither and yon in the south of Izril, and you have seen so many things, experienced so much that was impossible in your previous life.

And yet, no matter where you go or what you see, you know that your feet will lead you back to dad in Liscor. As long as he’s alive, you know that you will never lack for a place to return to.

* * *

**Not all those who wander are lost.**

**~J.R.R. Tolkien**


	18. sister

“Ashe. Ashe, wake up!”

You groan as Embria wakes you from your afternoon nap. Technically, at nine and without either Veryl or Relc prompting you both, you probably no longer need afternoon naps. However, you like sleeping, so an afternoon nap is the one thing you refuse to budge on. After many long battles, Embria has finally accepted this and she will often leave you alone during this time, but after the allotted time she always comes back to get you. Today is the same as yesterday, and she’ll probably do this again tomorrow and the day after.

A sharp poke to your side makes you jolt and yelp. Embria easily dodge your claw, giggling.

“Come on, lazy bones. I found a patch of boring flowers, but if you wait too long then the other kids are going to trash them.”

That’s thoughtful of her, but you give her a half-hearted glare anyway since she woke you up from a nice dream. It wasn’t about your last life, but rather a magical dream of a tunnel of glowing and glimmering stones. Yawning, you flop down and roll out of bed.

Your feet barely touch the ground before Embria grabs your wrist and drags you out of the tent at a run. Stumbling after her, you breathe in the air of a fresh breeze.

* * *

A thunderstorm in the afternoon sends you scurrying under your cot to hide. Embria scoffs from where she was showing you how to stretch.

“You’re too old to be such a scaredy-hatchling, Ashe. It’s just thunder.”

You don’t give her a response, ashamed that you’re still scared of thunderstorms when you’re much older than she is, but neither do you crawl out from under your cot.

“Ancestors.”

She joins you under your cot and lies on her stomach, not looking at you as she stares ahead with her head resting on her arms.

* * *

Both Veryl and Relc aren’t back, but Veryl had told you both that it was unlikely either of them would be in that night. It’s dark, and Embria pesters you for a story. You tell her about a make-believe Drake squadron that holds a narrow pass against an army, not telling her that it’s based on ancient human history from another world.

When you finish, she doesn’t say anything and you think she’s asleep.

Then, just before you fall asleep, she speaks.

“So they all died? But they kept the invading nation from taking their land?”

“Yeah.”

“Then they’re heroes.”

“Mm.”

“I want to be a hero.”

“…You know mother and father would want you to live, right?”

She avoids the question.

“Why don’t you call them mom and dad like I do?”

You don’t answer her either.

* * *

It is Embria who teaches you how to leave the tent, to face the people outside who are so different from the humans you’d only ever seen before. She is the one who teaches you how to be a Drake child, even if you fail to copy her exactly.

When strangers come and startle you, she is the one who stands between you and them. When the other kids try to pick on you, she is the one who throws herself at them and either starts or finishes the fight.

She praises you in front of Veryl, at least until you admit that you don’t want to join the army.

She is the one who tells you the most that you are weird, but she is also the one who jumps to take your side, at least before the day Relc said that he planned to leave the army.

When Relc carries you over his shoulder as you both leave, you don’t see her bright red scales as the army quickly gets further away. You know that you’ve tried to keep her away, that you want to stay loyal to your first twin, but…

( _you never admit it even to yourself, but you’d failed in that, at least until she made it easy with her anger at you_ )

It’s probably for the best that Relc actually took you with him. If you’d stayed, she’d have been the only person you’d have as an ally.

If you’d stayed, she might have succeeded in taking Suzuki’s place.

* * *

**Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.**

**~Barbara Alpert**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so far behind on this. Dx
> 
> Anyway, I finally cottoned on the fact that the quotes in the book I've been using are pretty much mostly positive and kind of general, so whenever I get stuck I'm going to pick one from the internet.
> 
> Still got a ways to catch up, but back to work for the moment for me. :|


	19. stronger than you seem

The rumble of rocks falling competes with your heart jackhammering in your chest for first place as the most prominent sound in your earholes. You’ve only just narrowly escaped death by rockslide, but you are no means in the clear yet. Your leg muscles are screaming from the new Skill you’ve just obtained, and your arms are straining from the effort of holding yourself up against the cliff wall. Your claws are painfully tight around the daggers that you’ve dug into the rock, and _wow_ , you’re not sure how you managed that.

A strangled gasp escaped your lips and you whimpered. You’d give anything to have someone here to help you right now, but you’re alone in these stupid mountains. Worse, if you don’t get yourself in a good position soon, a bird or monster might come along and find you in this position. A bird could harass you and make you fall, while a monster might toss rocks down at you to make you fall as well, or it might wait at the top for you to come to it. You’re a sitting duck, so the danger isn’t over yet.

A terrible part of you wants to fall, to put an end to this horrible situation, but damn it, you didn’t learn to jump on _air_ just to give up! Ancestors, you dug daggers into _rock._ It’s a freaking miracle that you’re alive right now when that rockslide should have been the end of you, either by rolling over and crushing you, or causing you to jump and fall to your death. It didn’t get you, but it might still win if you don’t climb. You can’t give up!

You have a life to keep living! Places to see, things to do!

( _your arms shake and your foot slips_ )

Dad is waiting at home!

The thought of Relc gives you the strength to slowly and determinedly claw your way to the top of the cliff. Luck is with you and no flying creatures harass you, nor is there any type of monster waiting at the top to prey on you while you’re weak. Your arms shake with the effort of pulling you up over the edge of the cliff, but you manage it and roll to safety, panting and gasping.

Okay, so apparently Drakes _can_ sweat, somehow. It just requires a lot more effort than you usually give. The terror probably helped, too. Still, the mystery of sweating despite having scales instead of skin is a minor thought, and you shove it away to focus on the more pressing present.

You have to make use of a potion because of your leg, but you don’t regret the use. You make good money as a Courier, and potions were supposed to be used anyway. The miser in you complains, but it is easy to ignore.

Carefully stretching, you conclude that you’re in good enough shape to keep going. Your pace is slower, but because you went through the mountains instead of around them, you still manage to arrive earlier than expected. Ha. You used to wonder why you didn’t see more Runners and Couriers in the mountains, but it’s apparent to you now that you’ve been stupidly lucky to avoid both the rockslides and the more dangerous varieties of monsters that live there.

You’ll probably go around the mountains more often than through them from now on. Another thought for another day, though, because that whole event had you thinking of dad.

Yeah. You’re going back to Liscor to visit him.

* * *

**You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.**

**~Christopher Robin (A.A. Milne)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me~!
> 
> Wait, _no._
> 
> This person just _leveled up!_ xD


	20. wrap a person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so behind on these lmao

Ashe doesn’t come to either him or Veryl unless specifically called. Their youngest prefers to sit alone, when Embria isn’t all over her, anyway. She’s a silent child, when Embria isn’t making her shout. 

Relc paused in his line of thought and reviewed what he’d just been thinking of. 

Huh. Embria is good for Ashe, isn’t she? Ashe might not agree, but personally, Relc thinks so. Actually, come to think of it, if it wasn’t for Embria, Ashe might be the stillest and quietest hatchling ever. Thank the Ancestors for Embria, then.

Anyway, back to Ashe. She worries him, in a way that’s completely different from the worries of the battlefield. It’s been four years since she was born, but his concern for her never really goes away. It gets shoved into the back of his mind during battles and usually when he’s relaxing with his buddies, but it’s always _there_ , something that lingers no matter how much time passes.

( _blank eyed and fading by the day, by the hour, by the minute_ )

Even though he sees her nearly every day, there’s always a sense of relief when he lays eyes on her. Something in his chest loosens when he sees her breathing, being moved into action by her sister. It’s weird, because it looks like none of the other fathers react to any of their kids like that. Then again, few hatchlings and pups are ever like Ashe had been. So maybe it’s because of that?

He shook his head to clear it before parting the flap of Veryl’s tent. Walking in, he sees that Embria is napping, but Ashe is awake next to her. She glances up at him, eyes taking a moment to focus on him.

That moment makes his stomach twist, and almost before he knows it, he’s scooped her up to cradle her against his chest. He doesn’t say anything, just takes a seat in Veryl’s chair and holds her. Ashe doesn’t take long before she’s asleep.

When Veryl arrives later, he’s still holding her. She takes one look at them and mouths a word at him.

_‘Whipped.’_

She just doesn’t get it.

* * *

**You can't wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug.**

**~Author Unknown**


	21. when you come home

When your clawed feet take you from Liscor for the first time, it is to follow the furry back of an older _senpai_ , the two of you off to chase a dream, a goal. You know what you want, even if you aren’t quite sure how you’re going to achieve it, just that leaving Liscor is necessary. You leave behind your father, the only reason you made it past infancy, and you tell yourself that you will be back some day.

You go to the nearest walled city, a place called Pallass. It’s amazing for this world, better than the smog hell of your first world, though not a match for the grander cities in Yggdrasil. Then again, Yggdrasil was just a game and this is your new reality, so you probably shouldn’t compare the two. Pallass and the general area is where you spend over a year before you go home for the first time.

A letter sent earlier to Relc already had the estimated time of your visit, so you didn’t send another. Hawk was going back for a visit too, and the two of you went a long way around the dreaded Blood Fields. When you arrived in Liscor, you declined Hawk’s invitation for a drink, still uncomfortable at entertaining the idea of dating when your new physical body was only fourteen, so the two of you parted after making plans for when to depart again for Pallass.

Walking home, lost in thought and wondering if you should visit the market before going back to the apartment or going after you dropped off your pack, you suddenly heard a familiar voice calling your name.

Relc!

( _dad_ )

You cast your gaze about until you see him moving towards you through the busy street. He’s got a distance to cover, so you have time to stare and notice that he’s looking straight at you and making a beeline for you. Someone tries to get his attention, but he doesn’t even pause, leaving them to Klbkch who, you finally notice, is trailing behind him. Your eyes have widened by the time he reaches you, and then he’s hugging you.

He just walked past everyone like they weren’t even there! He’s a guardsman, so he should have at least humored that one Drake who tried to talk to him, but no, that didn’t merit his attention after he laid eyes on you. Wow!

You laugh and return his hug.

( _finally, despite losing your brother, once more, you are **home**_ )

* * *

**It is a big world, full of things that steal your breath and fill your belly with fire... But where you go when you leave isn't as important as where you go when you come home.**

**~Lindsay Eagar, Hour of the Bees**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays!


End file.
